Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Nose Rings, Coffee and The Gospel
Today, I took Justus along with me to 309 Coffee where he did Math and I sat and eaves dropped on people sitting next to me while trying to write. There were these two guys sitting dead center in the coffee shop talking about their passion for the church. They were unapologetically voicing concerns about Hollywood's influence, the media, music and saying that people need to stop looking down on Christians for wanting to be a part of that line of work. They were saying that Christians are looked like they're becoming more like the world when they go in that line of work and try and have an impact. These were guys in their early early 20's, possibly just graduated high school starting college. They were drinking their trendy coffees with their nose rings and ripped skinny jeans talking about Jesus. I kept looking around the room to see if anyone was getting rubbed the wrong way by what they were saying, unfortunately, most people had their ear phones in. One of the guys was talking about how he wanted to quit his job so that he could have more time to actually hear the Lord's voice and understand His will for his life. He has a passion for ministry and reaching places the world deems unreachable (like Hollywood.) I was really encouraged by these guys. It reminded me of my Bible School days at Ravencrest in Estes Park. My friends and I would sit in our Hippie attire drinking rivers of coffee talking about future plans and wishing that we could change the world. Somewhere along the way, my voice fell silent and I stopped having the same drive to share the gospel. It seemed unpopular and, honestly, I felt unworthy. Who would listen to a 20-something girl fresh out of Bible School? Then, I became distracted. I became distracted by my boyfriend and my dream of becoming a young wife and mother. After that relationship ended, I then became distracted with work and play. I enjoyed going out with friends and binge drinking on weekends. I enjoyed vegging out on my couch watching documentary series' like "Intervention" and joining eharmony because I was lonely. I got out of step with church and started looking more and more like the world. I looked at all the things I didn't have and lost sight of what I did have. During that time, I started this blog. I would write all the God things but I didn't live them. My dream of someday being in women's ministry was dead and gone and I chose a lifestyle over a life calling. That lifestyle followed me around throughout the first few years of marriage. I lost that spark that made me want to jump up and jot down a thought. My thoughts were clouded in the evenings by wine and crying babies. I muddled the still soft voice in my mind with TV, Social Media, bottles of wine and the lie that I am JUST a stay-at-home-mom. Satan was thinking he finally had me. He thought he stole my voice for good. Every now and then I could hear it calling me, I could see my laptop sitting under a pile of papers waiting to be opened, thoughts screaming to get out. I could feel the passion of that 19-year-old living in the mountains. The creativity, Joy, zest for life, purpose was all still there. God has given me a desire to create as an outlet, whatever that may look like. I feel like I'm living my potential when I am doing what He gifted me in. Raising my children is first and foremost, putting dinner on the table, tidying up, putting laundry away, stopping in the middle of what I'm doing to sit and cuddle my sad toddler, will all remain in this season. But what also remains is my creativity, Joy, zest for life and purpose. It didn't go away when I became a Mom, and I am doing myself and my family a disservice if I silence that in this time. It was because I put duct tape over the mouth of my passions that I felt like I needed to numb myself. I am finding so much healing in finally allowing myself to do the things I enjoy doing. I don't feel bad anymore taking time for myself. I look forward to it. Jordan sees that I am a more joyful and productive member of the family when I am fed. I hope those guys sitting in the coffee shop will realize that the season they're in right now, that uncertain time of waiting and discovering their passions, is a gift. It will feed their soul. I pray for them that they will carry their passion for ministry and their heart for the spiritually blind through their marriages and their future families. I pray that their kids will grow up watching passionate parents feed into, not only their children and families, but those around them. I pray that by claiming my passions, I will spark curiosity in my children to find what makes their hearts come alive.