Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Rise on the Wings of the Dawn
Let's admit it... waking up before the kids get up is hard. Unfortunately, the watch I got for Christmas this year tracks my sleep and says things to me in the app like, "You woke up three times last night. Maybe you should drink less water before bed." Or, "You woke up three times last night. Maybe you should consider meditating before bed." It keeps giving me all these great tips and tricks to get myself to sleep through the night without waking up. HOWEVER, little does my super-concerned-about-my-well-being watch app know, I have an almost 2 year old who still needs little bursts of snuggles or nurses in the middle of the night. 5 minutes is all she sometimes needs, but my watch thinks I'm just a serial waker upper. If I had it my way, she would sleep through the night, every night, but that's not the way life works. We don't always get our way... It is always on the top of my New Years resolutions list to wake up before the kids, and yet it's always a struggle. When I DO wake up before them, I cherish the time. I read my Bible or a book, sip my coffee in silence and have a big welcoming smile on my face when the kids do finally meander into the living room looking like little drunk adults. It's when I'm woken up by Daisy's shrill, "MAAAAAAA! MOOOOM! AAAAA" that I don't quite look as peppy and welcoming as I would have if I would have just sucked it up and woken up when the first of my 5 alarms went off. Even the second! It's a habit and practice that I just need to FORCE! It's like exercising. It's the getting out the door that's hard, the workout is excellent and worth it, but it's that getting out the door. Putting on the sports bra, spandex, socks, shoes, finding my little fanny pack where I keep my phone, making sure Daisy doesn't see me walk out the door... all those things. Once I get past all those steps, it's complete rejuvenation. It's also a little like refusing a drink. There's this little back-and-forth action that happens in my head where I have the little red devil Lisa on my shoulder telling me how great it will make me feel, spewing all kinds of lies about what alcohol does for me. Then the little angel Lisa explains to the little devil Lisa that alcohol is in fact poison. It makes me a worse version of myself, not better and it always makes me feel like utter crap. I feel tired and unmotivated and also a little confused. The little devil Lisa generally just hops off the shoulder and disappears on the way down, and the little angel Lisa and the big Lisa give a fist bump (careful not to knock little angel Lisa off) and share a confident smile. It's all the tiny decisions that we make during the day that form us into the people we want to be. It's waking up just a little earlier, taking the step out the door in running shoes, grabbing that Topo Chico instead, snuggling your lonely kid for 5 minutes in the middle of the night and finally sitting down at the computer to write. They all add together to form you into the best version of yourself. So, I guess tomorrow, I'm going to wake up when that first (or maybe second) alarm goes off. I know I won't regret it.