When I say The Real Life is Good, I want to say it and mean it.
Here's the truth: Life is hard, life is a struggle, life is unpredictable, life is a gift, life is fleeting, life is precious, life isn't ours, life is overwhelming. And through it all, Life is Good. Real life. Not the picture of life you see happening while you scroll. Not the life that you imagine for yourself, but the life that is yours.
Through the hard, good can be seen. Even if just a glimmer.
I'll use myself as an example. Here's the hard. In November, I suspected that the baby I had been carrying wasn't alive anymore. I had stopped feeling kicks and had a gut feeling something was off. I needed to hear the heartbeat. I went into my appointment anxious that my suspicions would come true.. and they did. I went through a rough week and next couple months. After my hard labor and delivery with Daisy, Jordan and I decided that we were done having children. I didn't want to go through anything remotely close to that again. Then I obviously got baby fever again, and we started trying again. Then after losing the baby in November, I told him that I was actually finally done. No more, I don't want to experience any more trauma. I had 3 beautiful babies and was blessed above and beyond with my kids... fast forward a few months and I got baby fever again. With my due date approaching (April 13th) I have been hyper aware that I am not pregnant. A family friend who was due around the time as me, had her baby, and right when I saw the precious one's face I unexpectedly burst out into tears. I should be experiencing that. I threw the phone across my bed and let myself weep. Then I heard God tell me, "It's okay to long for what was lost, but it's also okay to rejoice with those who rejoice." So I picked my phone back up and stared at the sweet face, saying a prayer for them as they enter into this sacred time with their baby.
This week, something beautiful also happened, I took a pregnancy test and a faint positive was shown. I was pregnant again! How redeeming! I had planned to tell my family on Easter (the day before my original due date). I thought it would be a beautiful way to turn the sadness around into an unexpected surprise! After 3 positive pregnancy tests this week, I have experienced what is called a "Chemical Pregnancy". A child had definitely been conceived, but my body had not fully become pregnant, and I miscarried. I'm disappointed, sad, confused and losing a little bit of hope that I will ever have that 4th child we so desired. I keep thinking my body is broken, that my time of being pregnant, cuddling an infant, nursing, being sleep deprived and all the things that come with a new baby, that stage of my life has passed. I'm trusting that this is part of God's plan for my life and the story He is writing.
Sitting here, typing this now, I am watching the children I DO have play, sitting in a comfortable house where every need is taken care of. The rest of the world is going through a true epidemic, but I am not. My husband's job is secure, we have plenty of food, nobody is sick and we are protected. I struggle to allow myself to mourn anything today. I know that God desires to give his children good gifts, and he truly, truly has. The glimmer of hope that I see unfolding before me is that I have years of parenting to look forward to with my three. So many milestones, stages and decades to look forward to of being their mom.
I have started using my voice for speaking up about the realities of life. With that in mind, I won't keep my story hidden. I have started sharing and just because this is recent, real and raw doesn't mean I wont talk about it. 8 out of 10 miscarriages are in the first three months. 1 in 4 women experience miscarriage. A chemical pregnancy is still the loss of a conceived child that was loved and wanted. These are the facts. I was chosen to walk through the things I've walked through, for whatever reason, and I will continue to share those things.
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Friday, March 27, 2020
Less is More
This morning, like many my Dad said he experienced as I was growing up, "the Lord woke me up." (Maxine's electric toothbrush kept turning on randomly in my bathroom like it was a set alarm clock... okay, God, I'm awake!") I have had just so much on my mind lately during this "pandemic". I'm thinking about every person impacted by this. Whether it be job loss, financial uncertainty, lonliness and isolation, cancelled trips, babies due during this time... it's all weighing on me. I am somewhat of an empath, so when I think too deeply about any of these things, the feeling is crippling. I, myself, haven't experienced much loss out of this situation. We are definitely blessed that Jordan's job is a necessity at this point in time, and if anything he will just end up working MORE if he's needed. And what's funny, is I have always considered myself an extrovert, but I'm discovering just how much I enjoy being home and having ZERO plans.
What will life look like after this? Will everyone live a slower life? Will people go back to eating dinner with their families every night and spending their weekends at home and not going from activity to activity? Will kids get the opportunity to combine home and school in some kind of hybrid school? Will jobs allow people to work from home more often now that they've seen how much can still get accomplished? I don't think there will be a great depression following this experience, I think there will be a great awakening and a financial boom! There are new ways of living, working and educating being explored right now that could transform our very way of life! We are starting to see what needs to stay and what can go. The priority shift about to take place will send shockwaves throughout the world, but I don't think for the bad.
God missed us. He saw how anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, short-on-time, hurried and greedy we were and decided to give us the much-needed break we all so desperately needed. No way we would have chosen any of this for ourselves, but He said, "Enough is enough. I AM enough. What you have is enough. Those in your 4 walls are enough. Breathe. Rest. Be."
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11: 28-30
What God promises us in times of rest is a light burden. He doesn't want us to pile more and more and more upon our plate that we don't even know where to start. As a nation, we are in extreme debt. I don't mean the government, I mean as individuals. Our need for more, bigger, better will never end. God created us perfect in a perfect garden in a perfect order... Since the fall, man has been striving ever since to attain that perfection again. In that striving, we have given up some of the most important things in life in order to have just a little taste of perfection.
We clean and decorate our homes based off of a Pinterest perfection that isn't sustainable. We cook our meals comparing them to cookbook pictures and Pinterest food photographers who work on their craft YEARS before achieving the perceived perfection. We turn in our paid-off vehicles that need occasional maintenance for an upgraded version that will look the part and never need new parts. We send our children to school 40 hours a week for others to raise as we spend our days working to pay for the things we don't need and can't afford. We grieve the time spent away from them but don't see how we can do life any other way. We click the link under what she's wearing because those jeans need to be in my closet. We starve ourselves so we can then fit into those jeans... they don't fit perfect quite yet. We skip church on Sunday mornings because it's the only morning of the week when we can sleep in. Somethings gotta give, right?
What will life look like after this? Will everyone live a slower life? Will people go back to eating dinner with their families every night and spending their weekends at home and not going from activity to activity? Will kids get the opportunity to combine home and school in some kind of hybrid school? Will jobs allow people to work from home more often now that they've seen how much can still get accomplished? I don't think there will be a great depression following this experience, I think there will be a great awakening and a financial boom! There are new ways of living, working and educating being explored right now that could transform our very way of life! We are starting to see what needs to stay and what can go. The priority shift about to take place will send shockwaves throughout the world, but I don't think for the bad.
God missed us. He saw how anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, short-on-time, hurried and greedy we were and decided to give us the much-needed break we all so desperately needed. No way we would have chosen any of this for ourselves, but He said, "Enough is enough. I AM enough. What you have is enough. Those in your 4 walls are enough. Breathe. Rest. Be."
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11: 28-30
What God promises us in times of rest is a light burden. He doesn't want us to pile more and more and more upon our plate that we don't even know where to start. As a nation, we are in extreme debt. I don't mean the government, I mean as individuals. Our need for more, bigger, better will never end. God created us perfect in a perfect garden in a perfect order... Since the fall, man has been striving ever since to attain that perfection again. In that striving, we have given up some of the most important things in life in order to have just a little taste of perfection.
We clean and decorate our homes based off of a Pinterest perfection that isn't sustainable. We cook our meals comparing them to cookbook pictures and Pinterest food photographers who work on their craft YEARS before achieving the perceived perfection. We turn in our paid-off vehicles that need occasional maintenance for an upgraded version that will look the part and never need new parts. We send our children to school 40 hours a week for others to raise as we spend our days working to pay for the things we don't need and can't afford. We grieve the time spent away from them but don't see how we can do life any other way. We click the link under what she's wearing because those jeans need to be in my closet. We starve ourselves so we can then fit into those jeans... they don't fit perfect quite yet. We skip church on Sunday mornings because it's the only morning of the week when we can sleep in. Somethings gotta give, right?
We are constantly going, constantly measuring and weighing ourselves and finding ourselves wanting, when God has said over and over again that we are enough. Just as we are, with what we have. He will provide. 1 Cor. 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."
2 Peter 1:3 "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."
The bible verses about Provision and rest are endless.
My hope in writing this post is not to throw guilt on any person, but to start the wheels in your head turning. Jordan and I live in a comfortable house, we have an extra vehicle "just in case", we have 3 healthy children, our pantry is stocked (and toilet paper supply), we have running water, climate controlled house, comfortable beds, clean clothes (a plenty)… and yet I have found myself wanting more, needing more, feeling restless, trying to fill the gaps of imperfection with counterfeit perfection. I find myself wanting a bigger house, a cleaner back yard, a perfectly organized house, a the best school-choice, upgraded vehicles, a part-time-job to give myself some kind of false affirmation, a new hair style, an extra pair of shoes (although I have enough). I find myself going down this spiral and I have to remind myself the lifestyle we have chosen to live cannot realistically attain all of these things. I compare what we have to what others have, instead of being grateful for the wonderful life God has provided for us. I tend to look at it as an itch for change, but in reality, it's an itch for more.
God is saying to everyone in this moment in time, "Less."
I pray each of us has less from here on out. Less worry, less stress, less comparison, less sleepless nights, less debt, less on our plates.
Just, Less.
God is saying to everyone in this moment in time, "Less."
I pray each of us has less from here on out. Less worry, less stress, less comparison, less sleepless nights, less debt, less on our plates.
Just, Less.
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Podcast Episode 2 - Carmen Needham Interview - resources
Hey yall! If you're here, that means you're wanting some resources that Carmen mentioned in our episode! Thank you for listening and I can't wait to share more with you!
First: R. Keeth Matheny - http://sellaunchpad.com
Second: Parenting with Love & Logic: https://www.loveandlogic.com
Third: The Whole Brain Child: Dr. Daniel Siegel
Below is an example chart like the one we discussed in the episode.
First: R. Keeth Matheny - http://sellaunchpad.com
Second: Parenting with Love & Logic: https://www.loveandlogic.com
Third: The Whole Brain Child: Dr. Daniel Siegel
Below is an example chart like the one we discussed in the episode.
|
Identify your time of struggle:
Ex: Bath time
|
What is the plan:
|
Jobs we can help to engage the little
people?
|
How do we know if we are starting to
escalate?
|
De- Escalation Techniques
|
|
Kid needs to get cleaned What is your goal? Get him cleaned What is your fluff that is not important? It doesn’t have to be a bath, it can be a shower. Get rid of the toys that cause him to want to stay longer and cause a problem. Are there any distractions? Get rid of the phone. |
|
Have him wash his own body with
the loofa. Help him put his own shampoo in his hair.
|
Triggers? Yelling from the toddler Physiological Responses? My heart starts racing Is your phone in your hand? If it is, let it go and drop kick it sister! |
·
Create a signal with your child that you need
a break
·
Do not speak. Or say your empathetic one
liner, but don’t engage.
·
Put your hands behind your back to avoid
physical contact with your child.
·
Remove yourself from the situation
·
Move it or Lose it: Jumping Jacks, Yoga,
Stretches, deep breathing technique (Breath-in 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds,
Breath-out 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds- Repeat), meditate, pray
·
Avoid your phone
|
|
Identify your time of struggle:
|
What is the plan:
|
Jobs we can help to engage the little
people?
|
How do we know if we are starting to
escalate?
|
De- Escalation Techniques
|
|
What is your goal? What is your fluff that is not important? Are there any distractions? |
|
|
Triggers? Physiological Responses? Is your phone in your hand? |
|
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