At the moment, I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one that you can't figure out. Makes me feel like I want to curl up in a ball and cry... It's an empty feeling. The feeling that I wont ever find someone and I'll be single the rest of my life. Being around people who don't have that feeling anymore is hard sometimes. I try so hard to be content in where I am. Most days I am extremely content and happy! I praise God for days like that... Then there's days like today. Being surrounded with people.. talking, laughing with those people... and yet still feeling alone and sad. For this, I have Christ. I don't usually talk to any person about these feelings I have... I usually pray and wait for it to end. It tends to last maybe a day... not long, which I'm thankful for. I don't want to talk about it out loud because it only becomes something I'll think about more. I love my single life, I really do! I'm free to do so many things that I want to do. I have an amazing roommate and great friends and family to spend time with... I am so so thankful for all of those things. I'm sure every person has had this awful, pit-of-your-stomach feeling though.
I feel extremely selfish when I feel this way. God has me in this time of life to draw me closer to Him. I love it! I love feeling drawn to talk to Him more than to any person right now. I do tend to get distracted in relationships and kind of put my relationship with God on the back burner. I just miss having someone.
"If you only see what God has done for you, your God is not big enough." - Oswald Chambers.
We do sometimes create this image of what we want God to be... and He becomes, to us, 'our version' of who He actually is. That's not right. God is God no matter what He does or doesn't do for us, because, you know what? It really isn't our life! It's hard for me sometimes to see the big picture when all I can see is what is giving me this terrible knot in my stomach.
I didn't write this note for people to feel sorry for me that I am feeling lonely, but so that others who feel this way may be encouraged with the life of Jesus working in us. He IS working in me... and I can feel it. I struggle against it sometimes, yes... but letting go feels so good. He brings peace and contentment, even through the pain I may feel... It's so comforting to know that even though I don't have someone here on earth for me right now, I have Christ every moment.