Monday, April 5, 2010

Who I am

Sorry, I failed. I was going to update every day and I haven't updated in four days!

So, Easter weekend came and went... I spent the weekend relaxing, spending time with either my pregnant sister and family, or my roommate, Sarah. It was a good weekend. I think God actually taught me a lot about Himself this weekend... well, and ME for that matter. I have been provided with contentment in where I am in my life right now. I struggle daily with being single, poor, lonely, and a dirty dirty sinner... haha... but seriously though. I have to pray every day that I can be content in what I have and where I am. I know that God loves me unconditionally... but sometimes I feel like I have to impress Him like I would try to impress a conditional friend. A friend that only likes to be around you when you're available to everything THEY need... a friend that doesn't like it when you make your own decisions... a friend that wont stick around when you don't follow their advice... a friend who doesn't care about anything but themselves. I know that's not who God is, and that He loves despite my yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, hourly, minute-ly ups and downs... but sometimes I feel like I have to be fake when I pray. Like I have to pretend to have good grammar in my prayer and say just the right thing, or I'll get shut off... God has shown me that He is faithful and that He actually is always here. He HAS to be! He indwelt my heart eons ago and sometimes I feel like He isn't around at all... But that's my own fault. He has been showing me lately how ever-present He is in my life... How He is constantly listening, watching, and guiding. It honestly brings me so much comfort to know that someone understands me. FINALLY! All I have wanted is for someone to know me... and to help me get to know myself... He is doing that for me. My identity is found in Him... He is my life... the rest is just details. (haha, cheesy T-shirt saying, I know)

God is SO forgiving and gracious. He allows us to make up our own minds and make our own mistakes so that we will someday step back and say, "Wow, I can't believe you were there for that... Thank you for sticking around after seeing what I truly am." haha... makes me laugh, and blush a little, knowing how much He knows about me. I have a truly rotten nature... but I wouldn't know that if it weren't for Him... and THAT, my friends, is a very good thing! :)

"If we are willing to wait, we will see God pointing out that we have been interested only in His blessings, instead of in God Himself." - Oswald Chambers

Long for the provider... not the provision.


  1. L, You have always had such a sweet heart- i am so proud of the woman you are becoming- and I know God loves it too! Thanks for the encouragement today- I think this is just what i needed!